Cirque du So What? & Carrie Dahlby - Staying Fat

from by Carrie Dahlby

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    The 3rd studio album by Carrie Dahlby is chock full of songs she's posted at the Funny Music Project website (TheFuMP.com) from 2009 to 2014. The album features appearances and/or collaborations by the great Luke Ski, Devo Spice, Flat 29, Earl 'Wyngarde' Luckes, Cirque du So What?, TV's Kyle, Power Salad, Worm Quartet, and introducing her son, Alex. With Dr. Demento Show hits like "Twitter Tweetin'", "Pregnancy Is Strange", and "Almost Parent Time", "Sing All Funny Jokes" is the best Carrie Dahlby album released in the past 5 years.

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about

Cirque du So What is BACK! Dementia cohort and latest member of the CdSW auxiliary Carrie Dahlby steps out on this tasty comedy "workout" she contributed to the group. Finally a weight-related system that WORKS! I sure can't wait to try it out! If I could get up that is :-D Cirque du So What? is ShoEboX of Worm Quartet, the great Luke Ski, Devo Spice, and Chris Mezzolesta of Power Salad, with invaluable aux members Kim Crist and Sara Trice. From the new Cirque du So What? album "Stupid Cowboy Thing, Volume 1: Grandmother!"

lyrics

Staying Fat
Written by Carrie Dahlby and the great Luke Ski

Bob: Hey, Susan. I know you’re pro-dieter by now, so I need some dieting advice. What can I do to lose all this weight? What I’m doing now isn’t working.

Susan: I swear by Jenny Craig! But I’ve put most of the weight back on now. What have you been trying?

Bob: Good old fashioned calorie counting is it. Say, David, what dieting methods have you tried?

David: Huh, Atkins, Weight Watchers, South Beach... I’ve tried them all! Nothing’s worked. I wish there was a better way.

[music begins]

Mystery woman: Fear not! I have the perfect new solution for all of you!

Bob, Susan and David: What is it?!?!?!?

Mystery woman: It’s a revolutionary new method called Staying Fat!

David: Staying Fat?!?!?

Mystery woman: Staying Fat is a low-impact, high-calorie lifestyle system!

Susan: But how does it work?!?

Mystery woman: You don’t need exercise, and you don’t need to buy an all new wardrobe. In fact, you can eat all the foods you want, as much as you want, while still Staying Fat!

David: That sounds too good to be true! What’s the catch?

Mystery woman: Only the catch of the day at Red Lobster!

ALL: (*hearty, fakey laughter*)

Mystery woman: Yes, this simple, user-friendly method fits into anyone’s schedule! In fact, unlike most diets, Staying Fat succeeds 95% of the time!

Bob: What other advantages are there to “Staying Fat”?

Mystery Woman: With Staying Fat, you get: -- more TV watching time, -- extended internet access hours, -- you’ll be easier to find in a crowd, -- you’ll get extra room on the bus because people won’t want to sit next to you, -- nobody will ask you to help them move, -- you’ll be harder to kidnap, -- you’ll get more surface area for all you tattoo enthusiasts, -- and women’s breasts will stay nice and big, as will the men’s!

Susan: Wait a minute! This is one of those plans where you have to buy only certain expensive foods, isn’t it?!?

Mystery Woman: (laughts) To the contrary, Staying Fat’s menu is limitless! Just listen to some of our recommended food items:

Voice-Over Guy: Chicken fried bacon, bacon fried chicken, fried chicken bacon, fried bacon chicken, chocolate covered pork rinds, nacho cheese cupcakes, french fry flavored potato chips, battered deep fried steak, a gallon of ice cream AND a stick of butter, frosty pickle malts, fruits or vegetables encased in a block of caramel or cheese, a pony, and a 32 gallon drum of God damn CHILI!

Morbidly Obese Guy: *hurrrg* I want a pony! *hurrrg!*

David: Wow!

Susan: That’s amazing!

Bob: How do I sign up?

Voice-Over Guy: To sign up, just send 13 easy payments of $42.27 to Staying Fat, 239 Taft Avenue, Sheboygan, Wisconsin, 53147. Or, set up automated payments at our website, www.gravitationalpull.com!

Mystery Woman: Be sure to sign up on our mailing list so you can get in on the ground floor for our next level, in development: “Getting Fatter”!

Morbidly Obese Guy: Gotta sign up for the email... Whaa! (*thump*)

Voice-Over Guy: Staying Fat, Incorporated, is not responsible for heart attacks, diabetes, strokes, death, the accidental trampling of pets, or anything else that happens anytime anywhere ever. Offer void in Ethiopia. (*burrrp!*)

credits

from Sing All Funny Jokes, track released July 29, 2011
Staying Fat - by Cirque du So What? & Carrie Dahlby.
Features Carrie Dahlby, ShoEboX of Worm Quartet, the great Luke Ski, Devo Spice, Chris Mezzolesta of Power Salad, Kim Crist and Sara Trice. Mixing and mastering by Chris Mezzolesta of Power Salad.

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Carrie Dahlby Chicago, Illinois

Carrie Dahlby made her first contributions to the world of comedy music on the albums of 'the great Luke Ski'. Later she made appearances in the songs of Sudden Death, Possible Oscar, and many more acts from TheFuMP.com. Her debut funny music CD "Happy Ranch" was released in 2007, her 2nd CD "Giant Kitten" was released in 2009, and her 3rd and latest CD "Sing All Funny Jokes" was released in 2014. ... more

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