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Giant Kitten

by Carrie Dahlby

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cavifax meperd0n as¿ siteh fallado te pido perdon de la unica forma que se abriendo las puertas de micora son para cuando desidasvolver, yosolo quiero tuamis tad Favorite track: Everything's a Song.
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    Carrie Dahlby's 2nd album, released at MarsCon 2009.

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Dear Britney 03:53
"Sleep Walking Zombies" - Carrie Dahlby featuring Erin Jane Sherlock A parody of "My Dad's Gone Crazy" by Eminem featuring Hailie Jade Mathers ERIN: No! I wanna stay up all night like you! Tell me another story! I don't wanna sleep! ERIN AND CARRIE: Okay then! Everybody wake up! CARRIE: Eh, I'm goin' back to bed. Who's with me on this? ERIN: Somebody, please, give us more time to sleep! *giggle* You're all sleep walking zombies! CARRIE (verse 1): There's no sleepwalk I won't try No lack of sleep too high No zombie that I can't out zombify What do I gotta do to get through to you To show you there ain't nothin' I can't zombie sleepwalk through? (yawn) Every lost hour of sweet sleep Is called "sleep debt" and it can make a zombie out of me And out of you, feelin' like you be on Auto-pilot every dang day, but it can't kill you. I'm out of fuel, I feel like lyin' my butt down. Sleep debt's about as fun as a chastity vow. KEN: True, that. CARRIE: So tell Oprah to get out of the bookshop Because I need advice on how to stop feeling coin-opped And fight sleep deprivation with gloves off. Harry Potter and the Sleep Eaters need to get cast off! When will I sleep? When will the madness please stop? Erin, tell 'em sweetie... ERIN: Sleepy! CARRIE (chorus): I have no need to eat your brains but this aches and pains me ERIN: You're all sleep walking zombies! CARRIE: A little help from Erin Jane, tell 'em little lady ERIN: You're all sleep walking zombies! CARRIE: I need something that can sustain me or I'll insane be ERIN: You're all sleep walking zombies! CARRIE: There's nothing on earth that can save me, not even caffeine ERIN: You're all sleep walking zombies! CARRIE (verse 2): It's like my teacher always told me: Wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa .... you stupid little brats If you sleep through my class I will credit you for nothin'! *snore* My bad, I snoozed, feel real dazed and woozed Like drivin' cruise and lose a thousand rapid eye movements per second I'd rather set the world's highest nap length record I'd rather be a Sleepy seven dwarf, stand sleepin' And have sleepy crud stuck to my face with a sleep aid in my nose I wake with a fire hose, sleepin' hours 3 or 4 Can't you see why we're so beat? Let yer alarm clock go, improve your scenario. You wouldn't have to go eenie meenie minie mo Catch a zombie by his toe. Call us the Coma Corps. Can't my job just pay me to SLEEP a little more? (REPEAT CHORUS) CARRIE (bridge): Sleep debt can make you cry, make you wanna die And at the same time, make yer eyes real dry and stupified See what we got is a nation overworked But it's not always work Cuz exhaustion's got workplace production reversed But when I do sleep, I don't count sheep I'm sleeping deep BEFORE my head hits the pillow C'mon! Hello! I'm WAY too tired to know the insomnia woe! Sleepwalk to work, come home, and back to work I go And walk around my life with a Zombiac glow. I could wander onstage and not even know! Like Britney Spears does whenever she performs! Feel dead inside of my head, wish I was a little girl inside of her bed After the story's read, with Care Bears bedspread Need some deep sleep under my sheets and I do not count the threads And that's pretty much the gist of it Kids'll resist but even kids love it. I lack dreamin', extreme in sleep debt, steamin' head, body screamin'. I'll have my own kids! Then I'll have time to get more sleep in! (REPEAT CHORUS) CARRIE: Zombies. Zombies. ERIN: Wake up Carrie!
“Everything’s A Song” – Carrie Dahlby To paraphrase another saying: If it exists, it's a Dementia song. Banana bread, barnyards, and library cards And feet and Pez Dispensers and thongs Are not only essentials to everyday life They can also be the topics of songs Greek restaurants, prom nights and pink traffic lights And leiderhosen and babushkas If funny music has taught me anything yet It’s that song ideas are limitless Cuz everything’s a song (Everything’s a song) Just take a look around you You just can’t go wrong (Everything’s a song) The possibilities may astound you Winnebagos, nethacks and internet cats And Boba Fetts and hobbits and corn And Grandmas and Uncles and four letter words And weed and booze and strippers and porn Toenails and cell phones and Al Palindromes And Smurfs and boobs and dogs and celebs Viagara, missing butts and all TV shows Good guys, bad guys and women named Deb Bie everything’s a song (Everything’s a song) Just take a look around you You just can’t go wrong (Everything’s a song) The possibilities may astound you Not every song needs to be about love But the industry don’t wantchyou to know There’s songs on your bathroom floor, songs in your fridge And every single place that you go Some say every song’s already been writ But open yer eyes and take a gaze There’s songs that are wrong and there’s songs about songs And songs that illustrate all the ways That everything’s a song (Everything’s a song) Just take a look around you You just can’t go wrong (Everything’s a song) The possibilities may astound you Everything’s a song (Everything’s a song) Just take a look around you Nothing can go wrong (Nothing's wrong with this song) The possibilities may astound you Everything's a song (Everything's a song) I'm pretty sure you've got the point now You just can't go wrong (Everything's a song) And pretty soon I will shut up, now Dementia Radio...
“The Last Half Birthday” By Carrie Dahlby My half birthday is here I’m 29 and a half this year And this is the last half birthday I’m ever gonna have In six months is the 30th Anniversary of my birth So I’m gonna milk my remaining twenties For all that they are worth... I’m gonna be a pink princess, sequinned and pearled in the next six months Visit every Starbucks in the whole wide world in the next six months Perform with Steely Dan every night Bring a suitcase full of snakes on a flight Quit my job and get paid to play Light Brite in the next six months I’m gonna bungee jump off the Eiffel Tower in the next six months Use my laptop to assist Jack Bauer in the next six months Be featured on the “News of the Stupid” Get that engagement ring from cupid Record a Beach Boys song about some soup up in the next six months My last half birthday won’t be perfect Mischke ain’t even airin’ And some kids have to go back to school But listen to what I’m sayin’ Now I’ll do all I’ve ever wanted All accomplishments and no strife ‘Cause in six months when I turn 30 It’s the end of my freakin’ life! And I’ll never admit my age again! And I’ll never acknowledge half birthdays again! So I will drive a pink VW Beetle in the next six months I’ll eat my weight in Cap’n Crunch cereal in the next months I’ll do everything that I never did But been wanting to do since I was a kid ‘Cause turning 30 I’ll be as old as shipwrecks Which is in six months My 30th birthday is like Death Day A respectable family sedan I will learn to play golf and wear appropriate bras And never have fun again No I’ll never be young again
A19 A parody of “Hey Nineteen” by Steely Dan, about attending a Steely Dan concert. Parody lyrics by Carrie Dahlby © 2008 Carrie Dahlby. Additional dialogue by Luke Sienkowski aka “the great Luke Ski”. Carrie: The following is based on the true story of my Steely Dan concert experience in Chicago… and my actual seat assignment. (Verse 1) Lead: Way back in 2007 My concert seat was way too high Someone told me that I’d sat in her spot Climb one more level, Where the hell am I? (Chorus) Lead: A19 Backing: Down front in the 3rd balcony Both: No, I can’t see at all Lead: Please take me along when you sneak on down… Drunk guy: Hey, Steely Dan! I love that guy! (Verse 2) Lead: Hey, drunk guy, Please shut the hell up Drunk guy: Skinnard! Lead: He don’t really care Where his beer fell… Carrie: You better think what you trynna do to me! Show me some respect! Lead: It’s hard times for us in The nosebleed section Drunk guy: Play “Come Sail Away”! Woo! Lead: You think we’re crazy But we’re just broke as hell (Chorus) Lead: A19 Backing: Why did I pay Ticketmaster? Both: No, I can’t see at all Lead: Please take me along to the main level… Carrie: Hey, look! It’s Chris Mezzolesta of Power Salad! Hi Chris! Chris: Hey, Carrie! Carrie: You wouldn’t believe the bad seat I have! A19 on the 3rd balcony, and it’s right behind a post! Chris: You think that’s bad, I’m seated on the 4th balcony level bathroom! Carrie: Oh, ew! The men’s room? Chris: No, in the women’s room on the diaper changing table! Carrie: Screw that, let’s sneak down to the main level. Chris: Affirmative. Male lead: Idea sounds good. Mmm, mmm, mmm. Let’s go a little lower now! Female backing: The front row of The auditorium Oops, security sent us back… Male lead: Let’s try this again… Female backing: The front row of The very first balcony Oops, security sent us back… Chris and Carrie: One. More. Try. Female backing: The front row of The 2nd balcony Then we get thrown out on the street… Backing: The dark and lonely alley No, we can’t see at all Carrie: This is full of lose. Chris: Let’s see if the Steely Dan tour bus is in the alley. Carrie: Look, there’s the Stage Door! And… another security guard. Chris: I have an idea. Follow my lead. Joan: Excuse me, you can’t come in through here. This is for band and stage crew only. Chris: Ma’am, don’t you recognize internationally renowned pop-rock diva Pixelene? Joan: Uh… Chris: She has the current #1 pop hit “I Kissed a Squirrel and I Liked It.” Carrie: W.T.F., O.M.G. G.T.F.O. Chris: What does your badge say? Joan? Well, Mizz Joan, I’m from Rolling Stone magazine and I’m here to cover the historic first meeting between Pixelene and Steely Dan. Here are my credentials. Joan: That’s a CTA bus pass. Chris: That’s just to fool the paparazzi. Carrie: Colon, open parenthesis. Joan: I’m sorry, ma’am. Come right in. Chris: Much obliged, guvna. Carrie: T.Y.! T.T.F.N. Chris and Carrie: Three-times perfect! Chris: Carrie, look out for the keyboards! Carrie: Ahhhhhhhhh! Drunk guy: Any Major Dude is in my pants. Hah! Hey, Larry. I said Any Major Dude is in my pants! Yeah, I know. It’s funny.
In My Soup 02:30
“Hazy Shade of Killer” by Carrie Dahlby (p. simon) (Bangles) One, two, three Heroes killed on t.v… Pe – trel - li He was killed on t.v. While he told the world His impossible story Gunman so hard to see… Look around Duck way down Cuz this guy Is a hazy shade of killer No help from Peter or Parkman From Season One victory It’s very contradictory Shot down by one man… Carried a gun in his hand… See the sky Fly up high Cuz this guy Is a hazy shade of killer Claire’s blood could bring back Nathan That’s an easy thing to say But the Company has final say In who tries her cure Is Nathan a goner for sure? Take a guess Sylar’s mess? Peter’s bad? Or did Claire’s Dad kill her birth Dad? Season two ended abruptly Writer’s strike changed their history Don’t forget Nathan Petrelli Look around Hit the ground Cuz this guy Is a hazy shade of killer Niki died Noah’s live Hiro’s burying the Sensai Suresh saved Sylar’s raised Maya’s black tears are all the rage Molly’s dreams Did nothing There’s an assassin in the wings


Carrie Dahlby's 2nd album, released at MarsCon 2009.


released March 6, 2009




Carrie Dahlby Chicago, Illinois

Carrie Dahlby is a comedy musician frequently featured on The Dr. Demento Show. Her debut funny music CD "Happy Ranch" was released in 2007, her 2nd CD "Giant Kitten" was released in 2009, and her 3rd and latest CD "Sing All Funny Jokes" was released in 2014. Subsequent music has been released on TheFuMP.com but has yet to be made available on BandCamp. ... more

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