Flat 29, the great Luke Ski, & Carrie Dahlby - Sneaking Snacks Into The Cinema

from Sing All Funny Jokes by Carrie Dahlby

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    The 3rd studio album by Carrie Dahlby is chock full of songs she's posted at the Funny Music Project website (TheFuMP.com) from 2009 to 2014. The album features appearances and/or collaborations by the great Luke Ski, Devo Spice, Flat 29, Earl 'Wyngarde' Luckes, Cirque du So What?, TV's Kyle, Power Salad, Worm Quartet, and introducing her son, Alex. With Dr. Demento Show hits like "Twitter Tweetin'", "Pregnancy Is Strange", and "Almost Parent Time", "Sing All Funny Jokes" is the best Carrie Dahlby album released in the past 5 years.

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Flat 29 says: Do you enjoy buying armfuls of delicious snacks when you are at the movies? Can you actually afford it?
No, of course you cant, and neither can we. So we did a song all about sneaking our favourite meals into the cinema and eating them discreetly under the cover of darkness like culinary spies.

Written and performed by: Dan [Flat 29], the great Luke Ski, Carrie Dahlby Also featuring: Rich [Flat 29] on guitar, piano, and vocals, the authoritative voice of Charlie [Flat 29], and backing vocals by Emily Davis [of no fixed band] Produced by Dan and mixed very late into the night


Sneaking Snacks Into The Cinema
An original rap song about sneaking food into movie theatres.
Written by Daniel P. of Flat 29, the great Luke Ski & Carrie Dahlby

DAN: There's nothing on the radio or on the T.V.,
So I'm going to the cinema to catch a movie
Starring Pitt and Clooney as handsome spies,
With Angelina Jolie and a load of other guys.
Called up to see how much the tickets would be.
I got in free by pretending to be an O.A.P..
When I got there I was feeling hungry like Pac-Man,
So I made a beeline for the snack stand.
CARRIE: Good afternoon I really hope you are enjoying your stay.
My name is Carrie. Can I get you any snacks today?
DAN: I'll have some popcorn in a tub so big you need a ladder,
A bucket of Coke double the size of my bladder,
And this bag of pick-and-mix that I filled with Jelly Snakes.
CARRIE: Anything else? DAN: Yeah, and have one for yourself.
I'm feeling pretty generous. So how much'll it be?
CARRIE: Well sir, that comes to $48.50.
(ALL: NOOOO!!!) DAN: WHAT? There's no way I can afford it.
And if I would have thought it, I never would have bought it.
Better cancel everything I've got so far.
Well, I think I left my money in the car. (SFX: car door shuts, drives away)
LUKE: Everything I do in life, and I don't mean to be crude,
Comes down to practicality, sex, entertainment, and food.
And to me, the last two, they go hand in hand,
So at the movies I attack the frakkin' snack stand!
I order items off the menu in a kind of a blur
'Til I black out and then wake up and then find out what they were.
CARRIE: For the large pretzel bites in Wisconsin cheese,
Take this saw and hand over an arm and a leg, please.
LUKE: Soon I starting to get worried about going into debt.
CARRIE: The Whoppers cost a testicle. LUKE: Which, the right? CARRIE: No, the left.
And if you want the crunchy Nachos, either spicy or mild,
then simply hand over your family's first born male child.
LUKE: What the Hell? I just came here to watch a cartoon mouse!
I shouldn't have to go and get a second mortgage on my house!
I'll surely miss the movie if the usher kicks my tail out,
So I asked Barack Obama for a federal bail-out.
(ALL: NOOOO!!!) DAN: Hey Luke Ski, this is daylight robbery!
LUKE: Seriously! This is no way to run A.M.C.!
So Dan, my man, here's the plan, voila!
We're gonna start – DAN & LUKE: sneaking snacks into the cinema!

When I want snacks at the movies,
I won't pay their extravagant fees.
Just can't afford it.
I'm being extorted.
I'll commit to a life of crime,
Buy a Twix at the five-and-dime,
And I'll be sneaking snacks into the cinema.

LUKE: Popcorn at the movies is the ultimate snack.
DAN: But if you buy it at the supermarket in a multipack,
It's just as nice, about a tenth of the price,
And if you stick it in your bag no one will look at you twice.
LUKE: I bought oversized pants, quadruple XL,
So I can fill them up with cookies, and no one can tell,
Donuts in my pocket, 'cause that's my style.
They got me making Row C look like the bakery aisle!
DAN: I always keep a can of soup in my hip flask, nobody asks.
I stick it in my sock and walk straight past,
And cover up my hands in cottage cheese,
And tell securities that I've got a terrible disease.
LUKE: I've got a foot-long hotdog, one in each sleeve.
DAN: Hey, be careful with the ketchup, or we'll be asked to leave.
LUKE: And I need a disguise for this bag of French fries.
DAN: Man, just tape them to your face and leave a space for the eyes.
LUKE: I got a pint of Peri Peri in a Holy Grail chalice,
Hidden in a fuzzy soldier hat from Buckingham palace!
CARRIE: Hey! I see you two with that food there! DAN: Wanna share?
CARRIE: Sure, they don't pay me enough to care!

When I want snacks at the movies,
I won't pay their extravagant fees.
I'm feeling pensive.
They're so expensive.
The employees will never guess,
Buy some chips at Tesco Express,
And I'll be sneaking snacks into the cinema.

DAN: ­I ate five Christmas hams watching "Silence of the Lambs"!
LUKE: I ate some Vindaloo watching "Iron Man 2"!
CARRIE: I ate sugar free gelato while watching "Chicago"!
DAN: ­I ate some bruschetta watching "V For Vendetta"!
LUKE: I ate a beef log watching "Princess And The Frog"!
CARRIE: I ate a Jimmy John's Porker watching "Rocky Horror"!
DAN: I ate a whole loaf a bread watching "Dawn Of The Dead"
LUKE: I ate flan, on and on, watching "Tron" and "Black Swan"!

When I want snacks at the movies…
- DAN: I ate a planet of grapes while watching "Planet Of The Apes"! -
When I want snacks at the movies…
- LUKE: I ate seven strips of bacon watching Kevin Bacon! -
Lock me up, I have no regrets,
Long as I have my Raisinettes,
And I'll be sneaking snacks into the cinema.

DAN: I ate a cheese soufflé watching "Groundhog Day"!
LUKE: I ate a cheese soufflé watching "Groundhog Day"!
DAN: And then I ate a cheese soufflé watching "Groundhog Day"!
CARRIE: ­I ate a juicy peach watching "The King's Speech"!
DAN: I could sneak in more food if my leg was prosthetic.
LUKE: Want a Milk Dud? CARRIE: No, dumb ass, I'm diabetic!
ANNOUNCER (Charlie): Ladies and gents, our feature film today:
"The Smurfs" 3-D directed by Michael Bay!

LUKE: What the!?!
DAN: Oh thanks guys, is this your idea?
LUKE: Whose idea was-?
CARRIE: ­Laaaame.
LUKE: Carrie! I am not gonna see a chick flick directed by the biggest moron in Hollywood!


from Sing All Funny Jokes, track released April 12, 2011
Sneaking Snacks Into The Cinema - by Flat 29, the great Luke Ski, & Carrie Dahlby
An original rap song about sneaking food into movies. Written by Daniel Pate, the great Luke Ski, & Carrie Dahlby. Featuring vocals by Daniel Pate, Carrie Dahlby, the great Luke Ski, Rich James Green, Emily Davis, and Charlie Mosesson. Music, mixing, and mastering by Daniel Pate.




Carrie Dahlby Chicago, Illinois

Carrie Dahlby made her first contributions to the world of comedy music on the albums of 'the great Luke Ski'. Later she made appearances in the songs of Sudden Death, Possible Oscar, and many more acts from TheFuMP.com. Her debut funny music CD "Happy Ranch" was released in 2007, her 2nd CD "Giant Kitten" was released in 2009, and her 3rd and latest CD "Sing All Funny Jokes" was released in 2014. ... more

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